By Stephen Smoot
Talking to the parents right now, especially those of an older generation.
Where did you learn “to parent?” Who taught you the basics of being a good mom and dad when you first brought your child into the world? Who taught you the big, the little, and the in-between things of basic care, discipline, and everything else a person should know when bringing their child up?
Some of us grew up surrounded by great role models, each of whom did it both well and differently. Our mothers and fathers served as our primary models of parenting. We pick and choose from our own upbringing what works and makes sense and what does not.
Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and extended family can also provide great examples of child rearing.
While admitting that no one we will ever know is perfect, only one on Earth ever was, having a roster of solid parents around when growing up is a true blessing. It gives new parents more confidence in raising their own, plus the support is always there when needed.
Now I am going to ask you all to pretend that you never had that blessing at any point. Many young parents today are struggling to raise children without a single actual good parental model active in their life.
Where would you go? To whom would you turn to ask how to properly bathe a child, what to feed him or her and at what point, how to teach a baby to sleep at night, or how to find respite and rest while still giving the baby a safe environment.
Who do you call when the baby seems a little sick, but you are not sure what to do?
Where do you go to take a break, but know that caring people in the same room will keep an eye on your children while you decompress and talk things out?
In West Virginia for the last three years, most counties have established Family Support Centers. Each of these centers provides support, assistance, and help for those struggling the hardest.
A number of families in West Virginia live right on the margins, financially, socially, economically. They have different levels of personal resilience, but that does not provide answers or support. So many of these families will fall into silos of dysfunction by either cutting themselves from everyone or connecting only with other dysfunctional and possibly also criminal and dangerous people.
Sometimes these families fall into “rabbit holes” and lose sight of what “normal” even is because they have lost connection with normal, everyday life and society.
In all too many cases, grandparents have had to step in and raise children when their own kids are unfit to do so. They can get bewildered by the advances in technology, changes in the culture of children, and their own lowered reserves of energy and patience compared to their own younger years. They often have to relearn parenting even when they raised their own decades ago.
That is why West Virginia’s Child Protective Services workers and offices are so overwhelmed. Too many families in the youngest generation of parents had no parental models from whom to learn, no source of good advice or assistance, and no hope that things will get better.
Family Support Centers serve as a big part of the solution to cutting down on those CPS cases and keeping these families from reaching the brink.
One of the most important services offered lies in respite. During typical business hours on typical business days, these centers keep their doors open to families with children who face difficult challenges.
A parent, including a foster parent, can bring their child in these spacious centers. Plenty of room is available for kids to play with toys or watch cartoons. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Granddad, a guardian, or whomever is a primary caregiver can drop in with the children, have a cup of coffee or a snack with staff, and rest, vent, ask for advice, or just sit and enjoy some quiet.
This simple resource pays massive dividends. It breaks down the “bunker mentality” that sometimes pervades families facing challenges at the most fundamental level. Staff who care can reassure when they are doing right and advise different ideas when they are not. Professionals get to see the families and children and can tell which ones may need more serious help and resources.
And these families who come regularly can keep some grounding in a normal and conventional setting.
Parents benefit by getting a chance to recharge their batteries, set aside for an hour or two the stress of constant focus on children, and find some relief.
While one can never prove a negative, one can assume that the presence of family support centers has prevented hundreds of CPS cases from being opened by addressing issues before they reach the level of State intervention.
Consider how much money that saves and we have not even discussed the other ways these centers support families.
Family support centers offer one-off classes that can help teach families to save money and live better.
The Hardy County Family Support Center offers regular canning classes, even for deer meat, to help their clients preserve healthy food and save money. The Calhoun County Family Support Center has an experienced cook teach regular seminars on how to cook fresh and healthy food that the whole family will enjoy. One class taught how to make “fair” food at home much more cheaply than can be bought at stands during festivals.
Each center has its own approach built with input from the community and that uses the expertise of staff and volunteers.
Family Support Centers also offer regular evening parties where they invite all their regular clients to enjoy egg coloring at Easter, holiday style dinners, Christmas ornament decoration, or just a good time for the heck of it.
They also take in donations of items for hygiene, cleaning, and other basic household needs, such as toilet paper.
The old adage is that “you have to spend money to make money.” In government, sometimes you spend a little money now to prevent a bigger expense down the road. Keeping as many families from falling even further in their struggles makes sense in many different ways, but also with the bottom line.
Their work and its results justifies the funds spent on them.
Family Support Centers mean fewer CPS cases, fewer child removals, fewer burdens on the foster care and juvenile justice systems.
And also more children with a better chance at a life where they can feel safer, more secure, and also thrive.
