Letter to the Editor,
As we progressed through the Christmas season, we came across stories of the Holy Family. While paintings of these usually include a trio of Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus, Matthew 13:55-56 list four brothers and at least two sisters. Recently I read an interpretation that James, Joses, Simon, and Judas, and “all of his sisters” were Joseph’s from a prior marriage. According to Jewish customs 2000 years ago, if Jospeh were widowed with 6 plus children, his family would have found a good, younger woman and arranged with her family for her to marry and rearing the family, while she received security from a hard-working carpenter.
By the editor’s recent editorials (12/24/25 “The Foundation” and 12/31/25 “So Many People Get the 1950’s Very, Very Wrong”), such an arrangement would be a good thing: family, faith community, neighbors would help one survive living under the oppressive Rome Empire. I better buy 4 boys and a couple of girls to add to my 1950’s style Blow-Mold Nativity set for next year!
I would like to add a level of social connection and security not mentioned in those editorials: The Family You Choose. For a variety of reasons, our Biological Families might not have met the ideal for emotional, academic, and social development. Some children are given up for adoption, placed in foster care, or experienced the loss of both parents. Nobel adults step in to care for these children. Some parents are preoccupied with work, personal interests, and their friends. Some families reject their children for crossing some ethical line (hanging with the wrong crowd, marrying the wrong guy/gal, identifying with the wrong sexual orientation or gender, dropping out of high school or college, becoming entangled in addiction issues, poor financial management, etc.). And, many of us get caught up in the power-politics of our time (wars, economic turmoil, flows of immigration, etc.) which brings us back to the Holy Family, the Massacre of the Innocents, and Flight to Egypt stories in the Gospels.
As I have written before, I’m a “Come Here” by the local definition. I grew up in California, but left 40 years ago, when I graduated from college. Through circumstances, we built a weekend home 33 years ago, and then moved here 23 years ago. That means that I have lived in Hardy County longer than anywhere else in my life.
Initially after college, I rented a room from a 65 year old woman, but stayed for 5 years. Her younger son, who would have been my age, had died in his teens. She become my “NYC Mother” and I her surrogate son until she died. In every city that I lived I found not only friends, but some close enough that we considered each other “brothers and sisters”. I have been “Uncle Oscar” to numerous young neighbors. Part of having a “chosen family” is that sometimes they provide more social, emotional, and material support that biological family does.
At the risk of griping, my biological family has been more distant that my chosen family. Busy with their lives; traveling to cities that I lived in but only telling about it in the generic Christmas; always happy to see me when I travelled across the country to their homes. Reading the letters that I to sent them, and months later sending a “sorry to be so late in responding” reply, if any.
Now, don’t get me wrong. My phrase was “I get along with my family great… because I live 3000 miles away”. We travelled around the US and the world with our parents, for 2 – 3 weeks at a time for 30 years. My brother and I grew our relationship over the past 20 years after his wife unexpectedly died. I keep in touch with our biological and adopted nephews and nieces regularly and will visit each this year. I retired early to share parent care giving responsibilities with my brother as both of our parents aged and died in the past few years.
We had no say in the family into which we were born. They may or may not be there when we are struggling in life. But, we can, and should, chose family with those who live close to us, and may be more reliable. When Jesus died, we do not read about his 6 plus brothers and sisters taking care of Mary. We do read about the disciples stepping in. Be Jesus’ chosen people (Matthew 12:48-50).
Oscar Larson
Baker, WV
